Need help deciphering a reply from an agent.

[TheRedWizard]

I like the style and find it, together with the subject matter, similar to Ellroy and others - which is no bad thing.

 

I do think, as others have pointed out, this powerful style needs to be combined with a decently-paced narrative that not only goes somewhere, but does so in a way that the reader can follow. At the moment the narrative is lost as the reader gets bogged down in the reflections of the narrator.

 

Other authors who write in a similar way to you intersperse this type of prose style with more direct and conventional sections/paragraphs which push the narrative along. Maybe you could consider this. What is the actual plot? Try writing this out as straightforwardly as possible, perhaps in a single paragraph or in a series of bullet points, and then consider how you could expand it or take it in new directions.

 

In terms of the feedback you received, I did find a few passages (including the opening, unfortunately, given the impact this can have) overly 'literary' and self-consciously philosophical compared to other parts of the book.

 

I would avoid playing around with the chapters in this way. Plenty of authors jump around chronologically from chapter to chapter, but actually numbering them out of sequence would, I guess, be seen as slightly bizarre or cheap trick.

 

Having said all this, I really enjoyed reading your prose and found it accomplished in many respects. It just needs to be worked around to turn it into a publishable piece.